Rick Art Online part one
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Morty convinces Rick to play sword art online.


RICK ART ONLINE

Rick is in the garage working on a machine of some kind of Morty walks in.

"Hey Rick mom uhhh...mom got these like VR headsets. These VR headsets Rick. It's a popular game Rick. It involves swords, and leveling, its like Skyrim Rick. Skyrim with lots of middle school girls Rick. Mom says if we play together you can still spend time with your grandson without...without endangering my life Rick."

"Morty! (beeelch) Why in the ever living hell would I want to play some shitty video game Morty? Ca..cant you see your grandpa is working on something (belch!) really important?!"

"Oh...oh whats that Rick? What sort of invention you...you working on thats probably going to involve me needing even more therapy and anti-depressants?"

"Life isnt all about you Morty! This device... it it'll turn one burrito INTO TWO!"

"That sounds stupid Rick. Why don't...I don't know why don't you just get up and microwave another burrito?"

"BECAUSE MAYBE I DON'T FEEL LIKE IT MORTY. I'm old i got the (belch) Rickits... heheh you see what I did there Morty?"

"Yeah I see what you did Rick."

"Morty its not about the burrito. I can literally make something out of nothing. The burrito is a test buffer Morty..."

"Was the test subject gonna be ME initially Rick?"

"Rick?"

"Life aint all about you Morty but yes. Your mom would get pissed though if by some off chance the paradox ripped your celluar structure apart to the point even our memories of you faded out of existence."

"Oh geez Rick! You were...you were gonn erase me from existence!"

"Or make two of you! I (belch) love you that much Morty!"

"You love me about as much as a burrito Rick!"

"Damn you Morty you just have an answer for everything dont you? Gimme the VR. i...ill play this stupid game with you Morty. Ill play this stupid game with you until we get banned for one dumb reason or another because the internet especially the gaming spectrum of it is nothing but fat felons and pedophiles having a dick measuring contest Morty. its a dick measuring contest and the mods always win because they ban all other contestants..."

"Oh geez Rick it...its not going to be that bad. its just a silly little Skyrim game Rick."

They long on and are told to pick a class and name. Meanwhile Mr. Poopybutthole is somewhere else aggravated he cannot register using his actual name as is Abraham Hitler.

Meanwhile Rick argues about this half-assed class system.

"What...what even is this Morty?"

"Just pick something Rick geez..."

"This isnt a tindr hookup Morty. Whatever race and class I pick Imma be stuck with for a good while... if I pick the dwarf everyone is going to think im some fat guy pretending to be jacked. If I pick the elf they're going to think i'm a girl or a twink Morty. I dont even like twinkies let alone twinks Morty!"

"Jesus Rick its just aesthtics really. Race war threads are dumb anyway. uhuhhh the only real war is class war Rick!"

"That one is even worse Morty! Like...like which one can I be without coming off as a gigantic faggot who wants to pvp everyone?"

"Oh wow...did someone's granddad just use the word faggot? Yikes."

"WHAT THE HELL MORTY..."

"Oh geez..."

"Can you like...please not use the word faggot while on chatlog? I once tried to buy a slutty little dress because im into sissy kink. And..and my mom rolled her eyes on me. The lgbtq faces a lot of hurtful and downright terroristic things because of backward hicks like your grandpa."

"Oh geez Rick lets just hurry and join a server..."

"Now waitaminute. Why the fuck am I the (belch) grandpa and not being acknowledged as the homophobic cretin that I am? Im actually kind of offended that I'm being accused of this shit without directly being acknowledged!"

"Yikes... your granddad has anger issues. Reported."

"Yeh i'm reporting him too."

"Oh geez Rick I...ive already gotten two reports and im not even done making my character!"

"Why even though Morty?! Are you faggot kids stupid or just too afraid to bully another bully and risk your dumb twats getting doxxed is that it?!"

"Doxxing is against the rules im reporting that too..."

"Jesus Rick!"

"None of this makes any sense Morty...Morty?"

[Morty has been muted for one hour]

"Christ..."

They join a server and look around.

"Are we having fun yet Morty? This...(belch) this is so much better than eating a burrito and scratching our balls Morty. Getting condescendingly talked down too, completely unaware of how to play the game, Im having a blast Morty."

"Shutup Rick. You know i only get in trouble cause of you. Be it here, or mom, or at school..."

"Yeah sure Morty. It toally isnt low hanging fruit or anything. Anyway theres like ten hogs behind you and they looked pissed."

Snorting and squeeling the wild warthogs tackle Morty with their hooves and his HP dwindles.

"Oww! Oof! Wow geez Rick this like...actually stings a little. Like irl you know Rick? I think these VR systems have integrated into our nervous system to make some sort of hunger games sorta thing Rick! OWOW!"

Rick begins throwing rocks at the hogs.

"Skedaddle you haram hams!"

"Oh wow geez Rick. I appreciate you you know...not letting me die to some hogs but couldnt you kill them and gain XP?"

"And how...how would I (belch) do that Morty? Whats the kill command Morty?"

"What class are you Rick?"

"I picked a necromancer Morty. Even if you died id just bring back your corpse so when you respawn I have two Morties. SEE WHY MAKING SOMETHING OUT OF NOTHING IS SO IMPORTANT MORTY?!"

"oh...oh geez Rick I dont know! This game is very detailed. what if...what if the undead me hates the living me and comes after me Rick?"

"Well than its just good xp grind isnt it?"

"I...im pretty sure thats against the rules Rick."

"Breathing is against the rules. Fuck mods and fuck you Morty. I...I didnt raise you to be such a chump!"

"You never raised me you...you selfish butthole! You just recently came into my life!"

"Oh right. Wrong Morty sorry..."

Somewhere in the multiverse Matt Patt has nocturnal emmissions.

Some time passes and Morty is slaying the hogs effortlessly.

"Wow Rick... Ive been lucky with this loot drop system. I mean for just hogs a steel shortsword and perfect condition wood shield isnt bad at all!"

"Why didnt the programmers just (belch) think to make them drop lots of meat? Meat heals HP Morty. You use the pigs to grind levels and can refill your HP bar with meat. its self explanatory Morty."

"Oh geez Rick there you go...there you go trying to take shortcuts again. Dont go getting us banned downloading cheat scripts or somethong Rick."

"Motherfucker you almost got banned for saying the word faggot! Correction...you almost got banned for ME saying the word faggot. Besides I think if i knew how to cheat id certainly know how to get around a stupid ban. You know what i hate the most Morty? More than the faulty gameplay or overused tropes because nerds hate change but try to act so fucking progressive...I hate all this God damn self censorship Morty! Seem like I cant do anything online without someone having a problem with it and wanting to ban me cause of it. And you know this shit aint free Morty. Your mon pays for internet, for this game, and some PRICK thinks he can just...Just come along and ban you. They all need to be doxxed Morty. Thats...thats why they hate doxxing so much. 4chan, Reddit, theyre all the same Morty. Theyre all the same and they know legally you cant do shit about doxxing. Hell what they do is way more illegal. When's the last time one of these admins showed their tax release on the kickstarter or steam sale Morty?"

"Oh geez Rick... youre. You're going into complex stuff about tax evasion and embezzlement. I just dont wanna be banned ok Rick? I just wanna play my game and..."

"YOU CANT JUST PLAY YOUR GAME DONT YOU GET IT MORTY?! You can't just play your game and aa (belch) there's always some obsessive little cunt out to get you! Ill help you get good Morty...Ill help you get REAL GOOD at sword art online but you gotta do something for me too Morty. You you...(belch) gotta help me immasculate all the sword art mods Morty! We're gonna party raid them, drop them down to level 1, and make them look like idiots Morty!

"Oh geez..."

They start server hopping and in a tight corridor Rick leaves one of his zombies in the door way as mods with shiny blue names cant get out than their names become clear once they die.

Another moment Morty is about to be killed before a mod player steps in to slay the boss and than Rick casts level drain dropping the mod to level 0 thus killing him but it looks like he misaimed and just holds up his hands smirking.

ANOTHER TIME its a room filled with enemy ghosts and Rick's ghosts and the mod players cant tell which is which and die.

"This is great Morty...you were right. This (belch) is fun, and we are bonding!"

"SILENCE!!!"

"Wow look at that guy Morty...nice robe n00b. You get that in some shady trade with a Russian girl?"

"Rick thats...thats Lingling the lead developer of sword art online!"

"Lingling? Really Morty?"

"You have disgraced my game with your wild vigilantism Rick senpai..."

"Oh NOOOWWW he's Japanese ok..."

"Rick of the Sanchez..."

"Thats not how that works but whatever."

"In your hubris you failed to even notice the largest details of my plans... Hadnt you noticed with each slaying of a moderator they never returned?"

"I dont know...i i just (belch) figured they got salty and played Overwatch like all the other moderators."

"NO YOU FOOL! THEY DIED! AND YOU KILLED THEM!!!"

"Heh...seriously?"

"Oh geez Rick, we're murderers!"

"Morty we kill people all the time. Dont be so dramatic..."

"The VR headset is a neuro technological wiring system that connects to your cerebelum and has direct link to your cortex."

"This guy doesnt (belch) know biology Morty..."

"AND WHEN YOU DIE IN THE GAME YOU DIE FOR REAL!"

"Oh geez Rick!"

"Wait wait wait... so you knowingly set up this elaborate system that has us die when our character dies...what makes you think YOU won't go to jail silly willy?"

"Silly Willy Rick?"

"Yes Morty (belch) he's a silly Willy! How could I be a mass murderer if i didnt even know i was murdering?"

"Pretty sure thats still manslaughter Rick..."

Kirito walks over.

Lingling backs up.

"Lingling! I finally found you!"

"KIRITO IS STILL ALIVE?! Out of everyone you could have killed you keep fucking Kirito alive. Nice Rick...real nice."

"Hey he wasnt a moderator."


End file.
